Monday, November 22, 2010

Dealing with Complaint!

What are we doing when we complain? We are saying that we are unhappy/irritated/angry (filled with a negative emotion which is toxic and harmful to us) because...

People are doing something wrong - treating us unfairly, being abusive, being irresponsible, being unjust, being dishonest, etc. Wrong as in contrary to our idea of right! Of course there are some big issues which most people will agree are just plain wrong such as violence, murder, rape, child abuse, etc. But how often do we find ourselves complaining about these big issues? Mostly we complain about petty things. When faced with a big issue which directly affects us, most people act.

OR

We complain about a situation which is not to our liking.

So a few aspects of complaining, cringing, wingeing, bitching, etc come to light here! :)

When we complain, we are filled with toxic emotions and thoughts. There is enough toxicity in our surroundings, do we really need to create more of the same in ourselves!

Usually we complain about petty things...the maid, traffic, weather, appliances, being single, being married, being childless, having children....stopping now as the list can be endless!

If something was really important or unbearable, we would have taken some form of action to change the situation.

When we complain, we blame! :)

Now if I am complaining about my washing machine, what I am saying is that my happiness depends upon this appliance. The washing machine, an appliance which I purchased to make my life easier, has the power to make me unhappy! We give up our power to so many things, people and situations. We forget that each one of us is blessed with free will- our right to choose.

One of most common ways our mind functions is through judgement - good , bad, like, dislike. So its safe to say in any situation, our mind is constantly weighing the pro's and the con's. When we let the situation continue, we have made a decision- consciously or unconsciously that the pro's out weigh the con's.

Unfortunately, no person or situation is without the con's, nothing is perfect, not even us! :) We are not perfect beings, so we cannot expect perfection from others. In fact most of the things we recognize in other people are things we have in ourself. Since people are not perfect, then we can safely assume that the systems and ideologies we create to help us function effectively are also flawed.

When we complain we forget that somewhere we have made this choice. We stop taking responsibility for our choices. So the next time we find ourselves complaining, lets consciously take a look at the pro's and the con's and make an informed decision. Having decided to accept this flawed situation (ALL situations are flawed), we now need vast amounts of acceptance, patience, love and kindness.

Who is the first person critically in need of the above - its us! We are toxic at this moment! Only when we can treat ourselves with kindness, then kindness will be a part of our dealings with the outside world. When we can be accepting of ourself, then acceptance will naturally flow out to others. When we can create positive change in ourself, the situation outside will automatically reflect us.

Coming to the final aspect of complaint - Am taking an example from one of Ajahn Brahm's talks (http://www.dhammaloka.org.au/downloads/itemlist/category/18-ajahn-brahmavamso.html)

Complaint is similar to shit. Instead of flushing it down, we put it in our pockets, rub it on our skin and offer it to the people we meet...:)

If you are looking for flaws, thats all you will see. Accept the flaws, colour your glasses with some love, kindness and patience, start looking for the positive in all situations and problems will start to disappear.

:)

2 comments:

Happy to read your thoughts on my thoughts! Do leave a note..:)